Guest Blog: Kenya Carlton

Guest blog Kenya Carlton (Author of Brazil)

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In Case of Zombie Apocalypse

A coinsurer and lover of all things horror, I must admit I hate zombies and not just a little bit.  Zombies tweak me out.  George Romano’s Night of the Living Dead was an excellent movie, a scary independent all snuggied out in a thriller blanket.  I have seen this film in its entirety once, like I have seen most zombie movies just once.   I give all of them a try, but they never get a repeat performance.  The show on AMC, The Walking Dead, even got a viewing or two. But once the main character Officer Rick covered himself in Zombie guts to weave his way through a throng of brain eaters, I was down for the count.  Now, my girlfriend Kimmy watches it and still gives me updates on the show, which allows me to be guilt free in my decision in tapping out early.

If zombie anything could be like that 80’s movie Night of the Comet, I think I would be okay with the whole revolution of dead things or possibly even Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Come on, zombies that can dance their faces off!  I would be a bit more inclined toward those boogying corpses. But everything I’ve seen of late is fast moving, smart thinking, decomposing monsters on the hunt for squishy pink brains.

My hate of zombies is so irrational that on a Facebook quiz I garnered the top score for surviving a zombie apocalypse. But when my co-worker revealed her sad and puny number in comparison, I warned her that she would be swiftly and neatly disposed of if and when she was bitten (in other words, bippy, I’m going to have to shoot you in the head.) Can you believe she gave me a nasty look for being considerate and warning her first? The nerve of some people!

Weird cult fiction about zombies have been popping up everywhere. I’ve even read a few and considering my intense hatred of the hungry people eaters, you should be proud of me.  With the right plot, they didn’t skeeve me out too bad. I’m now on the lookout for a particular one about wasabi sauce, but I can’t be sure if that was the right condiment; it could have been A-1. If you stumble across it, let me know (:

Personally, I don’t have a radical plan in case of a zombie takeover. I do know guns are first and the need for a military vehicle is on the tippy top of my list. Those things are comparable or almost equal to grabbing family, finding a safe place with separate water supply away from city, and lots of Spam. I don’t know much about that refined chunk of meat.  I’ve never had the pleasure to chomp on it, but I hear it lasts forever in those weird sardine cans, so do yourself a favor and stock up on Spam.  Seriously, people, I’m just trying to save your lives here.